Re: Online Friends Are Real Friends
A few days ago I booked my flights to not only attend a professional event, but also visit and stay with one of my best friends next month. This will be the sixth time that at least one of us has traveled to hang out with the other.
We met each other online six years ago via Reddit (and to some degree, Instagram back when I still had an account) simply through shared interests. Never in my life did I suspect I would befriend someone online to such a degree that they feel like a true brother to me.
I liked Absurd Pirate's post because it made me reflect on my own online friendships, which are so important to me.
First of all, I don't consider just anyone who talks to me as my friend. There's a solid difference between acquaintances and friends, and there are other platonic dynamics that exist somewhere in between those two labels. I certainly have both online and in-person contacts with whom I look forward to interacting on occasion either via phone call or at a café to catch up. And while I don't doubt that these folks care about me and vice-versa, I don't feel any sense of urgency to communicate with them (and again, probably vice-versa). It's okay if we don't really chat outside of those one or two times per year, and I tend to not seek help or guidance from them. They're something more than acquaintances, but at the same time not quite friends.
As Absurd Pirate notes, online friends have quickly become the norm. Still, I've noticed that it's still kind of strange to some that many of the people to whom I'd reach out first if I found myself in an emergency or a sticky situation are just that—online friends. And not online friends in the sense that one of us moved away from each other, but rather that we met somehow via the Internet, and the potential of us interacting in person would otherwise be more or less zero if not for the digital world introducing us and growing that desire to hang out in real life.
I without a doubt agree that online friends can be just as "real" as those who are physically near you. I've shared some and listened to pretty personal shit with online friends. And maybe that's why my online friendships can often be "realer" than my IRL ones. Like many, I find it easier to be vulnerable when I'm behind a screen. I think that relatively greater openness as well as the number of niche communities on the Internet help open more opportunities to kindle such genuine friendships.
In addition, there's generally a lower chance that the friendship develops out of convenience alone. Don't get me wrong, many in-person friendships are born this way and can turn into the most meaningful lifelong connections. And most people looking for real friendships generally aren't so shallow. But when I'm chatting with someone online who lives far away and they know I have no favors to offer them physically or financially (not to say this is impossible via virtual relationships, but you get what I mean), then I feel more secure in that they want to get to know me purely for who I am or at least spend time together via a hobby that can be practiced virtually.
My online friends and I know who each other's in-person friends are. We help each other navigate tricky professional or social situations. We check in on each other when we're going through tough times. We make sure to call or at least message each other regularly, and we begin to worry when we don't hear from the other person for a couple weeks. We share art with each other. We exchange foreign languages to better connect and help each other improve at a hobby important to us. We send each other notes and small gifts in the mail. We discuss our goals and aspirations in life.
I don't even do all those things with some of my IRL friends.
My online friends are spread across countries: the United States, Germany, the Netherlands, Austria, Azerbaijan, and Russia. I've actually been lucky enough to meet most of my online friends in person, even if only once. These are some of my favorite memories, and I'm always waiting for the day we can finally hang out in person again.
I think each of my friends knows me in a different way, whether they are online or IRL. But some friends definitely know me better than others, and those tend to be my online ones.
It's not that I struggle so much to befriend others in person. However, as someone who often feels a disconnect between herself and the immediate world around her, I value very much what my online friends bring into my life, be it an interest I cannot reasonably pursue in my current city or an entirely different but refreshing outlook on the world.
That being said, I'd love to host all my online and IRL friends together at a dinner party someday. Because they're all my "real" friends no matter what.