Did I waste my twenties?
I've been asking myself this every day since finishing my PhD this month.
I didn't take time off between my undergraduate and graduate studies. I started college at 18 and defended my PhD less than a month before my 29th birthday. Needless to say, school has defined my twenties.
I don't think I will regret having done this. I won't be upset if I don't find a cool job as soon as I'd like. But naturally at the end of such a milestone I find myself reflecting, realizing that I've made a lot of sacrifices both consciously and subconsciously. Now I'm wondering more what I've missed out on. Was it worth it?
I like to believe that I compare myself to my peers less than the average person my age, including my friends. Sometimes it's hard not to though. Still, I don't aspire to own a house or a car someday. I don't want to have children. I objectively think I am still young and even feel and look that way. So, there's not much point in taking socially imposed deadlines to heart, right? Not that the biological clock is really a thing anyway.
I must be honest with myself though: I don't have much money, the concept of a romantic relationship is now foreign to me because I never bothered putting myself out there since my early college days, and I let small health issues brew for several years because I had better things to worry about than, well, myself until they became almost unmanageable. Can I blame my PhD for all that? In hindsight, probably at least a little bit.
Thanks to some changes, I'm doing better now physically and mentally. Today I feel more energetic than I have since... maybe teenagehood? It's a shame that I've felt functional during only the last five weeks of my PhD. How much productivity and enjoyment did I lose by dragging myself through my work and personal life? I don't want to know.
I am neither fulfilled nor unfulfilled. Regardless, I feel like I am inhabiting a different body and starting something from scratch again. I have no idea what that thing is though.