Boston was my valentine this year
I've never had a valentine before. It's been almost 10 years since I've been in any kind of romantic relationship.
Boston ended up being my valentine this year. I spent the last few days here for the first time not only in this city but in the Northeast in general. (Yep, I've been to Azerbaijan but never to New York).
Like any relationship, there were highs and lows. And lots of in-betweens.
Boston dazzled me the first day I arrived. While others swarmed Trader Joe's to buy flowers for their beloveds, I lost myself in the Boston Public Garden. Nothing was in bloom, but so what?
The public library also lived up to my expectations.
It got emotional too. I attended a science policy conference among others who also feel that their careers or career paths have been crushed. We commiserated. I can't say I feel any better afterwards though. There's not much hope for science here anymore. No federal employees were allowed to travel to the conference (if they're even still employed at this rate).
I met a glorious snowstorm that made the whole city feel like a liminal space. I don't like snow, but Boston gave it a certain charm.
Today, the Museum of Fine Arts swept me off my feet for three hours.
Then it turned for the worse: relentless freezing rain. Boston is a swamp. So are my feet. Now I am typing this from my hotel, drenched and waiting to go to the airport, crossing my fingers that my flight is not delayed. So I can leave Boston.
It was a good distraction. A three-night stand, if you will. I managed to live in the moment on occasion. For example, my sister, with whom I haven't talked for almost ten months, was born on Valentine's Day. I always reach out first and didn't want to break my streak of seeming unclingy. But somehow I managed to not overthink sending her a message. Still waiting for a response.
And the torrential downpour allowed me to let go of the crippling thought that I am not being kicked out of the US because I am inherently An Other but rather due to my career aspirations.
For a while I thought I would leave this country by choice. Now I am starting to sink into the idea that it won't be voluntary, whenever that day comes, whatever the ultimate reason may be.
Did Boston break my heart? Maybe a little bit.
